woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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