I accidentally burped into my bong.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize