I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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