Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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