She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
