I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
