Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
