dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
