found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
