I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
