I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
