its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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