You're my little dorito
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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