help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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