THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
