even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
