when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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