we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
