i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
