She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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