remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
