Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
