there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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