Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
