FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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