She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
