i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm passing your future prison.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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