sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize