As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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