I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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