I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
