what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
