Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
