Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize