I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
