I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
