These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
