So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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