im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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