there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
