That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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