the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
