I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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