Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
