Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
