It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
