Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
