i wish there were pregnant emoticons
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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