They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
