end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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