That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
