at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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