It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
