making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
