dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize