Jerry, you need to find god
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
