im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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