Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
