is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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