So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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