the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
