Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
